“Learning how to fail.” Doesn’t that sound counter-intuitive?
Our entire society seems to be based on winning or succeeding. Star athletes are rewarded and idolized for their ability to succeed, to be champions. Each year the best students are recognized for academic excellence. There are countless books, websites, and blogs single-mindedly focused on succeeding. Why should anyone need to learn “how” to fail?”
Learning “how” to fail might just be the most important skill that doesn’t get taught to students. As I wrote this post, I reflected on the advice I have given people, my family, my friends, acquaintances, and new hires in every organization I have managed. I always hoped that everyone would always succeed in everything they tried and never experience failure.
Realistically, I knew and continue to learn that avoiding failure is unlikely. Failing doesn’t mean that someone isn’t intelligent enough or that they didn’t try hard enough. 99.9% of the time, I knew they were smart enough and they tried their best. So why teach people how to fail?
As I reflected on my own experiences and those of people around me, I thought of the number of times I succeeded and failed. I realized an important truth - if you succeed at everything you will miss out on some of the most valuable experiences that ultimately make anyone successful.
Failing can be difficult. Failing can happen often. Failing can be discouraging, particularly during new experiences and when you are leaving the security of your comfort zone. Failing can be heartbreaking and tremendously disappointing. Failing can cost opportunities and quite literally close some doors forever to you. Failing can impact your academic, professional, and personal life and change the course of your life.
Failing, however, can also teach appreciation. Failing can prevent you from moving faster than you are ready for. Failing can teach humility and it can teach you to value those moments when you do succeed even more.
Learning to fail isn’t the point: perhaps learning “how” to fail is the real goal of this post.
You are going to fail. It happens to all of us eventually. Failing doesn’t mean you are a failure. Failing isn’t the end of the world. It just means that you weren’t ready or perhaps on a given day, someone else was better. As a society, we do not seem to recognize these truisms. In schools, it is rare for a student to fail a grade, even if they have not mastered the necessary concepts to continue. Failing isn’t necessarily bad; however, anyone who does fail needs to have been taught the tools, perspective, and ability to handle failure when it occurs.
So, what do you need to know so you learn “How to Fail” properly?
Acknowledge that failing happens. Many of us know that sometimes despite all of our hard work and preparation it isn’t enough. On any given day, someone else can be better, better prepared, have better luck, and sometimes just better overall. I am not suggesting that anyone gives up because things are completely hopeless, what I am saying is to acknowledge that you will fail sometimes.
Appreciate that sometimes we deserve to fail. For students, it can happen when we don’t do the work assigned by the teacher/instructor/professor. In our careers, the same scenarios can occur, we didn’t do what we were told to do to prepare or execute a process properly. We should not be surprised when failure happens. Fortunately, when we review our performance in a given situation that we did not prepare sufficiently for and ask ourselves, “What did we do right, what did we do wrong, and what would we do differently next time?” The solution should be easy to see … prepare better.
Have a backup plan. If things don’t go according to your plan, what are you going to do? This happens all of the time in school, in life, and relationships. Making any decision involves three processes: What are the facts? What are the alternatives? Then make the best decision you can. Following this process allows you to appreciate there may be more than just one method to accomplish what you want; if one plan fails, try the next one.
Have strategies for dealing with failure. So you failed an exam: what can you do? Many people just accept it and suffer the consequences. This is not the only choice:
At the beginning of each course, make yourself known to the teacher. Always ask questions, put your hand up and answer questions, be the first person to volunteer, do all of the assignments, ask for the correct answer when doing something wrong, don’t skip lectures or labs, and always do your best.
If you fail, ask the instructor to explain the correct answer(s). Ask for a re-test or a makeup exam, and ask for an extra assignment to regain some of the lost marks. Teachers are more likely to grant these “makeups” if they have demonstrated their dedication to the course and themselves.
Stay calm and work on the problem. If you fail, don’t panic. As in the previous point, see what alternatives might be available. Ask for help from the teacher or your academic advisor. Use the time available and try to minimize the impact of the failure. At the very least, learn what you did wrong so that on the final exam or future assignments you will be prepared.
Failing is not fatal. I used to tell new people that they are going to make mistakes and if they make a mistake we haven’t seen before, we would name it after them. A small joke, but a commentary based on reality. Everyone new is going to make mistakes. Your teachers and future employers expect you to. If you fail or make a mistake it is not uncommon or fatal, it just means you have more to learn.
Remember your past performance is not an indication of your future performance. As a student, your ability to change your future is an important realization. If you struggle with calculus, ask for help, get a tutor, and you can improve. Everything in your world is subject to change, and your future and reputation are not tied to what you may have been last year, last month, or even last week.
If you fail at something, don’t fall apart. This can happen to students especially, particularly when making the transition from one school to another. The pressure is very real. Students are trying to establish reputations, maintain a comfort zone, and when failure happens the stress and anxiety can be overwhelming. Appreciate, though, this happens to virtually everyone and you are not alone in your feelings. Talk to someone about it: friends, family, a therapist, or anyone you feel comfortable with. Allow yourself time to adjust, and remember that if you do break down, it’s okay: it happens and you will recover.
Adjust the pressure on yourself. Try to balance your need to stretch and grow with the current state of your abilities. People, teachers and parents, and even you may put too much pressure on you to excel. Do your best and realize that is all you can give at this point. When confronted with a daunting project or test, try breaking it down into smaller, more manageable tasks. As you learn more, you will do better, but there isn’t any more you can do. In addition, the more things you experience, including starting personal relationships, the better you will get at them. Perspective is hard to appreciate sometimes, but your ability to handle difficult situations and failures is constantly improving.
Make a plan for exams. Start by reading the entire exam before answering any questions. Do the questions you know first, regardless of the order, and number your answers. Repeat the process until only the most difficult questions are left. When answering always show your work and try for “part-marks.” Most importantly stay and use all of the time allowed, never leave an exam room early, and plan on using any extra time to refine your answers.
Reduce the possibility of failing. Adopting some basic study habits can dramatically reduce the odds of failure. Plan on two hours of study time per every hour of lecture or class time from grade 11 onwards. Stagger your study time, including taking breaks. For example, spend one hour on calculus, one hour on history, take a 30-minute break, then one hour on geography, one hour back on calculus, etc.
Don’t overload your semester. Many students are tempted to take an extra course if their school or university offers four courses per semester sticking to three or four. Balance the requirements of school with the importance of having a social life and/or having time for a part-time job. If you have a job, ensure you ask for accommodation for exams, study time, and social life. Resist the urge to “cram” and start studying for exams long before the actual date, consider two weeks as a starting point.
Make connections. The networks and connections made in high school, college, or university can help open doors and provide a support network that can last a lifetime. Get involved in clubs and intermural activities. Not only does this help the school/life balance, but it is also fun and provides those important breaks that you need.
Practice Mental health first aid. The stress and pressure caused by normal living can be too much sometimes and failure or the inability to handle pressure can be overwhelming. There are crisis lines for students in most regions (use 211), do not be afraid to call even for what might seem minor. Encourage friends and fellow students to use them when you see them struggling.
Failing happens.
Knowing how to react to failure can change the course of your life. Middle school and high school tend to protect students from failure; however, in post-secondary situations, the combination of new environments where failure is a very real possibility and the lack of support can create a perform storm of anxiety, stress, and mental issues.
Use these lessons: they work and they will help.
Good luck,
Paul
Itís nearly impossible to find educated people for this topic, but you seem like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks