Do you feel out of control at work?
Feel like you are given new tasks every day, without any recognition, and you haven’t finished the tasks from yesterday?
Can you not remember your last raise or even something as simple as being told you are doing a good job?
Do you witness or experience stress because your manager or supervisor makes mistakes or acts in a way that would be completely unacceptable if you did the same thing?
Do you spend more of your day at work than you do at home? Have your children adjusted to life without you? I know how all of these feel, and I know I am not the only one.
Often, one person is at the centre or cause of these feelings … your boss.
Have you ever wanted to complain about your boss but felt you had no mechanism that you could access, or do you feel that if you did, you would be the one punished, not your boss? Many of us feel frustrated and powerless to influence this situation.
Should you just quit?
Often, that isn’t possible due to responsibilities.
Should you just put your head down and work through it? Maybe, though, there is a path you could try; some way you might be able to make things better to essentially “manage your boss?” I am not suggesting a mutiny or anything conspiratorial. I am suggesting that, depending on the personality, maturity, skill level, and attitude of your boss, there may be a way, subtly, through diplomacy and tact, to make a difference, to influence, and even “nudge” the direction and actions of your boss. Try these suggestions:
Work to add value every day and earn trust from your coworkers and all levels of management. This might, or will be, difficult; it might seem as if you are positively responding to your boss’s negative behavior. Often, when people are frustrated, they will purposefully reduce their contributions; instead, I am suggesting you should redouble your efforts to make positive contributions every day. It is worth remembering that with each new or transferred boss, you will have to earn their trust each time, and answering a negative with a positive could change the results of what you are experiencing. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Although it might seem counterintuitive, providing value daily makes you more valuable; the more your boss can trust and depend on you, the more likely they will listen and appreciate your thoughts and opinions. Don’t expect things to change overnight, but keep at it.
Do your best work on every task you are given. Developing a reputation as a person who can deliver quality work regardless of the type or size of the task assigned to you will never hurt your reputation. Be the first to volunteer when a volunteer is needed, be the first to try a new process or system; stand out by doing whatever is asked, whenever it is asked. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Your reputation can supersede your boss’s influence over other departments within your organization and positively affect your status throughout the organization. Additionally, even if it does not influence your boss, you may gain useful references for other opportunities.
Sincerely and positively complement your boss when they do something well. A common complaint of workers is they only hear about negative actions; again, this might seem counter-intuitive; however, you boss may never hear anything positive about the actions they take and could really appreciate your comments. HOW DOES THIS HELP – This is something you can do, it costs you nothing, and, if done sincerely, can help to influence your boss.
Allow your boss to grow into their role. Patience, understanding, and the willingness to learn about your boss and to be interested in them can mitigate their approach towards you. In my experience, “bosses” may not appreciate or see the negative effects of their behavior because they haven’t yet grown into their role or realize the negative impact they are having. HOW DOES THIS HELP – For bosses who genuinely want to do a good job and treat their people well, your allowances will help and perhaps influence your coworkers to do the same.
Avoid being defensive and thinking “Why should I...” Having an open mind and a willingness to try new ideas will help your boss when they inevitably attempt to introduce new systems and processes. “Bosses” should try to obtain willing cooperation; however, too often their plans are derailed by some of their people who refuse to even consider new ways of doing things. Try to set a good example and encourage your co-workers to follow your lead. HOW DOES THIS HELP – The more people are willing to at least consider new ideas, the less frustrated your boss will be. Frustrated bosses are like any frustrated people; they are less likely to be understanding and accommodating, which should be enough reason to answer the “Why Should I” question.
Avoid creating “win/lose” situations. I have known people who have to be right all of the time, even at the expense of embarrassing people around them, including their boss. Learning to “Know when to go to war and when not to,” will improve your reputation among your coworkers and even your boss by avoiding embarrassing situations for everyone. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Allowing people to save “face” leads to appreciation and avoids “piling on” situations that are common when morale is an issue or when new systems and processes are being introduced.
Avoid drama and choosing sides. In difficult or toxic environments, try to maintain your composure, stay poised, and channel your frustrations in positive directions. Complaining to other co-workers about your boss only adds to existing negative perceptions and implies you are “fighting” your boss. HOW DOES THIS HELP – We make better decisions when we are not influenced by drama, and being perceived as adversarial by your boss will not help you to influence or manage them. Try to avoid losing your cool, be the calm in the storm, and be the person who can get things done regardless.
Learn about your boss, part 1. Become genuinely interested in learning about your boss, as a person, and as someone with pressures and responsibilities. Ask about their successes, what they are proud of, discover what their strengths are, what you can learn from them, and what their goals are both inside and outside of work. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Appreciating their perspectives and their history will provide insights on how to help them grow, as well as increase your ability to influence and “nudge” them.
Learn about your boss, part 2. Discover their weaknesses and try to provide complementary and compensatory skills or abilities; for example, if they are unorganized, provide organization; if they conduct poor meetings, provide tips and suggestions to help them better engage their people; and do these things without drawing attention to yourself. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Most bosses will appreciate the help, particularly if accomplished with sincerity, tact and diplomacy.
Take initiative but allow for guidance. Having a boss who is a micro-manager is a common frustration for people. Micro-managing implies a need for control and a lack of trust. They fail to appreciate people who take initiative and thinking for themselves are positive traits of good people. Take cues from your conversations with your boss, learn about their appetite for broader “lanes” to explore new and different ideas, and ask for regular feedback to avoid “going so far onto a limb, you can’t see the tree anymore.” HOW DOES THIS HELP – If you wish to “manage and improve your relationship with your boss” and the stress they cause in your life, it is worthwhile to remember every day is a test and it is your responsibility to learn the parameters of your current situation by encouraging and asking for their guidance and their participation.
Foster regular and effective communication. Earning trust from bosses who have “micromanagement” tendencies can be facilitated by providing brief, but concise, regular updates and summaries. Take care not to overtly simplify, undermine, or manipulate them. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Often work stress, frustration, and anxiety can cause misconceptions and the drawing of “wrong” conclusions with bosses and staff; effective and frequent communication can be the best antidote for these feelings and misperceptions.
Keep your seat at the table. You can’t influence anything if you quit or get fired. Learn how and when to share opinions, facts, and information your boss may not want to hear. Good bosses want to know what your thoughts are; you can become an effective “sounding board” and source of valuable insight; however, that trust does not happen quickly, and “too much, too quickly” can be fatal for everyone. Choose your spots well, don’t be a headache, and know when you are approaching their tolerances on any given day, topic, or situation. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Being able to influence and “nudge” your boss is contingent on you being part of the decision-making process.
Question and prioritize. One of the most common stressors for middle management and regular workers is bosses and supervisors who frequently assign new tasks and responsibilities without clarifying where the new tasks fit in the overall priorities. To manage this situation requires you to be very well organized, I suggest using a Kanban chart (a simple chart divided into “outstanding but prioritized tasks,” the current 4-5 active work items, and a “completed” column); asking for a concise description of the new task; and most importantly understanding where it fits with the current priorities. HOW DOES THIS HELP – A boss who understands your Kanban chart can easily visualize your priorities and should be receptive to appreciating when “something new” might have to wait until other things are finished.
Know when your situation is untenable. In my experience, all of these suggestions should help any person support and “nudge” their boss; however, they will not work all of the time and may not work with every boss. I have worked with bosses who were completely uninfluencable and totally unfair. In these situations, as a senior manager, I attempted to shield as many of my staff as possible from the “bad boss,” thinking I would eventually persevere; several times, though, I was completely wrong, and there was no way to change or influence those people. I should have recognized the signs that what I was attempting would never work, and I should have made plans to leave the organization. HOW DOES THIS HELP – Realizing that after trying everything possible, sometimes you cannot win, will allow you to make a change before it affects your health, your family, and your reputation.
If you believe in yourself, the people who work in your organization, and the work the organization does, these points are all good tools to use to influence and “nudge” your boss. They can also help to reduce your frustration, anxiety, and stress, eventually. Attempting to do these things can be fraught with danger; however, they are something “you” can do to try to manage and control your situation.
I have worked for good, bad, and in-between bosses; some have been great people, and others, well, not so much. I have used these methods and they have worked for me; I hope they might work for you.
Good luck,
Paul.