UNDERSTANDING:
It seems like more and more people are becoming less tolerant and more abusive each day, the stress of Covid-19 has contributed to it; but it was common even before then.
Anyone who deals with the public can be the target of that frustration and retailers and their associates seem to be easy targets. Some of the blame can go to our media who literally trains people on how to be difficult, and like even the simplest complaint can go viral if handled improperly.
“How a company handles one issue” can have far reaching consequences for their brand and for their associate, because of face book and google reviews. All people who work with the public pay the price for this stress and the time taken to resolve these “problems” can be lengthy and not very enjoyable. However, we can do something about it: We can learn to act in ways to reduce handle abusive behavior by preventing it and, by knowing how to deal effectively with it when it happens, in some luck occasions to actually have our customers or clients defend us on social media.
The first thing to understand is that people are going to get angry – it is human nature unfortunately; some people have also seemed to learn that by getting angry that someone how people will respond to them more quickly. The most important thing is to understand that THEY ARE NOT NECESSARILY ANGRY AT YOU, they have a problem, they are frustrated and you represent your company; therefore, YOU GET THE BRUNT OF THE ATTACK. Understanding that people will be angry should make companies realize that they need to spend time on training and reviewing their procedures and anticipate issues.
By realizing that they are not upset with you, is the first step in solving their problem. Please remember that someone who is upset isn’t the same as being abusive – if we don’t handle the problem well, then they may become abusive; however, that is what we want to prevent.
People show anger in many different ways (raised voice, turning red etc). Abusive or hostile behavior is intended consciously or unconsciously to control you. Ranting, insulting and/or intimidation are examples of abusive behavior and we want to reduce the anger in the customer/client and deal with the situation as professionally as possible. Abusive behavior can also include yelling, finger pointing, swearing, physical contact, threats etc. – when this happens, it is important to get the duty manager to come and assist.
It is important to understand where this type of behavior comes from: we have all seen adults or teenagers revert to childhood temper tantrums, especially if they are under pressure or external stresses. These tactics are embedded in childhood and may not seem to make sense but remember this is it doesn’t have to make sense.
The key point is that people that are angry or abusive are trying to control YOUR behavior.
AWARENESS
Just like a game, the behavior that occurs in hostile situations is characterized by certain patterns that repeat over and over again, and as a game (serious one) it has certain rules. Very often, people that are being difficult will be “baiting” you. Baiting can be verbal or non-verbal behaviors to get you to react, usually emotionally so that they can control you and get you to react the way that they want and to keep you off balance.
Here are 3 basic rules that you need to be aware of and they will help in almost every situation:
- When attacked you will respond defensively, defensive statements usually have the “I” in them instead of “we” (I only work here, I am treating you fairly …), try not to succumb to this common reaction.
- When attacked you will counter attack (You have no right to talk to me etc. You aren’t listening to me) – These statements usually have the word “YOU” in them. As with (1) try not to engage in this way.
PAUL’S NOTE: Failure to be aware of these rules usually result in the “game” heating up instead of “cooling off”. Instead of “heating up the game” we should remember:
- Stop and ask yourself “What do angry people want?”. It comes down to usually 5 basic things:
- They want us to acknowledge situation and their feelings – to listen!
- They want helpfulness and effort, or at the very least the appearance of being helpfulness
- They want to feel like they have choices or some measure of control
- They want us to solve their problem.
- They want us to keep them informed, particularly when the solution may take a while to resolve.
Awareness of those 3 rules is key, once you understand them then you can begin to solve their problems by using …
TAKING ACTION: DEFUSING PRINCIPLES
Principle 1: Deal with their feelings first – acknowledge that you understand that they are upset and let them finish their story once. When they start repeating themselves, then it is time to start being helpful. Making notes while they talk is always good, but don’t interrupt them to get details, you can always ask for clarity afterwards.
Principle 2: Avoid coming across as bureaucratic, never tell a customer “that’s against our policy” or being aloof or very formal, speak to them with empathy. Watch your body language, avoid crossing your arms or looking defensive. Companies should have guidelines not policies when dealing with customers or clients.
Principle 3: Each situation is different, use empathy and watch for reactions, what may have worked for someone else may not work this time.
Principle 4: Strive to control the situation, your two major tasks are to acknowledge their feelings and to try to attempt to get them to respond to you.
Principle 5: Begin defusing early, don’t get into baiting etc.
Principle 6: Be assertive, not aggressive or passive. Both verbally and non-verbally, speak firmly and confidently, aggressiveness will escalate problem, passivity may result in more bullying.
Principle 7: If you lose control of yourself, you lose period.
Principle 8: What you focus on, you get more of – acknowledge the problem and move on, don’t let the customer repeat the problem over and over again – focus on solutions
Principle 9: It is not always necessary to solve a difficult problem immediately, ask them “Can I looking into this and call you back?”, “I might not be able to get answer immediately, is it okay to call you tomorrow morning/afternoon?” This gives you some time to prepare some options. Remember people want effort and choices.
Principle 10: Prepare at least 3 options, many times you will not be able to do anything; however, knowing that you have tried quite often will make the customer lower their expectations. Allowing the person to chose the outcome also empowers them and can dramatically improve the situation.
Principle 11: Never tell someone that is being difficult that you “have to check with your manager”, as soon as you say that, you have given away your “power” to solve their problem. It is much better to say “Let me check into this, can I call you back at ______”.
Principle 12: If you tell someone you will call them back – ALWAYS CALL THEM BACK AT THE TIME YOU SAID YOU WOULD – even if you don’t have an answer yet.
Principle 13: Don’t supply ammunition – If you have had 4 “Bob’s” Furniture problems to solve this week and it is only Tuesday, never tell your customer that.
Principle 14: Don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear answers to, for example, if you have a chronic complainer and you say to them “if you have any further problems come and see me …”
Principle 15: Avoid inadvertent errors – booking a reselection for delivery on the wrong day etc., if you are restoring a customer’s faith its better to not to make additional accidental mistakes.
Principle 16: Avoid High Risk/High Gain Behavior, for example using humour or telling them to “shut up because you are trying to help them”
Principle 17: Language, practice better ways to say the same thing, for example:
There’s nothing I can do to help you – Let me check do see if anything can be done.
I don’t like your attitude – I understand that you are upset but …
That against our policy – We have guidelines for this type of situation; however, let me check and see what we might be able to do, can I call you back tomorrow …”
I’m not your sales person/case worker, you will have to call back and speak to them – Your salesperson/case worker isn’t here today, but let me see what I can do to help you.
Stop swearing at me or I will hang up – I understand that you are upset, lets see what we can do to help you.
HOW TO SUCCEED: The 17 Principles and ROLE-PLAYING
Reading this short post will help, reading this post and then practicing real life scenarios with your manager or co-workers will double or triple the effectiveness of this post.
Nobody really likes role-playing; however, it is effective, particularly if you remember these points:
- Always do role-playing in small groups, 2 people is ideal and especially if role-playing is outside of their normal comfort zones.
- Build trust by encouraging and appreciating how uncomfortable it makes people.
- Use recent examples and examples that are challenging to resolve.
- Try not to interrupt the scenario and make your comments and debrief after it is completed, you can replay the scenario as many times as needed.
Will these points help in every situation? Only time will tell; however, by having an understanding of what motivates difficult people, appreciating how they are feeling and what they want, defusing negative situations, and practicing dealing with those situations; can only help.
Good luck and remember that customers who are upset are not going to buy from you again until you take action.