I have been fortunate that in my career I have had several mentors who have had a significant impact on my life. Some on a personal level who provided inspiration at key life moments, some academically as I struggled and questioned whether I could continue. I have also benefited professionally from several mentors who have helped in the past, now, and hopefully into the future.
The basis of today’s post is originated with a mentor that I should have appreciated more at the time. Unfortunately, I only truly appreciated his guidance after we had ceased working together. His lessons though continue to help guide and shape my career, even now.
The context of one of our last conversations had to do with adjusting to new owners of his business. After a long and very successful run, he had sold his business and we had a unique “exit” interview, he was leaving and I was staying.
Remember Dale Carnegie – This mentor had arranged for me to take a Dale Carnegie course and the program quite literally changed my management philosophy. It truly taught me how to “Win friends and influence people.” Learning to appreciate people and to consider my actions through their eyes really improved my ability to work more effectively with anyone. In my job I was always a “lightening rod” for things because of the nature of the position as Manager; however, through this mentor’s encouragement and the lessons in the eight-week course, I gained an appreciation that continues to help me today.
Nothing is personal – This particular lesson is one that I struggled with for a long time. In every job that I have ever had I have always given the proverbial 100%. Similar to many entrepreneurs I was interested in every aspect of the organization and had been encouraged to do so. My mistake was in not realizing that not every owner shared the same philosophy, nor wanted their managers to be that way. Different owners want to establish their own parameters, they are not better or worse, they are just different.
Pick your battles – Ego and a desire to help drives some people to want to win every battle they are engaged in, sometimes to the point of losing sight of the effect that can have on people. My mentor tried to teach me that “even when you are right, you can be wrong” I wish I had learned this particular lesson sooner. Compromise is not a bad thing and retaining the ability to nudge situations to a “win/win” resolution is much better than any “win/lose” situation or not even having a say in decisions.
It’s a game – As a very passionate and invested person in my job, I had been and sometimes continue to forget that not everyone shares my drive. Appreciating this lesson does not decrease the seriousness or importance of the job, rather my mentor tried to get me to realize that, like a game, there are rules to follow. Just like a game, you win by following the rules, not using the force of your personality to overwhelm people and circumstances.
Learn about them – New owners or managers of businesses will have experienced successes. They will have things that they are proud of and will want to implement. It is not necessarily, that they do not appreciate what has been done before, they just have their own methods. Like with most things, people like to share their ideas and concepts and it is important to give people that opportunity.
Avoid email like the plague – If I could “uninvent” anything, email would be near the top of the list. The primary issues with emails are (1) They never convey tone and as a result can be misinterpreted very easily, and (2) they give the impression of a two-way conversation; however, they are not, and as with tone, there isn’t the “give and take” understanding that happens in a regular conversation. Emails are good for disseminating information, talking in person is usually much better for person-to-person communication.
Hold a card or two back – Staying with the game analogy, the best players never reveal all of their cards at the one time. There is a process to everything and learning the “likes and dislikes” of new people, whether owners or managers, takes time as the relationship develops. This strategy and process can really help people, regardless of their positions, to become comfortable with each other and to accomplish everyone’s goals.
Avoiding trenching in – Nobody has a monopoly on good ideas. Fresh eyes and fresh perspectives can present new solutions and being open to different ways of doing things is a great way for organizations to grow. With new managers or owners it is easy to fall into the tempting position of defending the ways that have worked in the past as human nature because we are outside of our “comfort zone”.
Take time – Allowing an adjusting period in any new relationship is vitally important. Making a significant change in any organization is going to have ripple effects on every aspect of the business. Allowing time to see how things will progress is healthy and just part of the process. Opportunities and explanations will occur naturally and do not always need to be forced.
Avoid “your picture” vs “their picture” – This is a lose/lose situation. Overcoming defensiveness is difficult for everyone. The person who can recognize this type of situation and who can take a deep breathe to diffuse these situations before they escalate is will have a key advantage in helping the organization. It is not a sign of weakness to be the person who sees this and puts the organization ahead of themselves.
Be more selfish – This might seem like a contradiction but it is not. I had always worked far more hours than what I was paid for, (much to the consternation of my family). I did it because I liked what I did, I cared about the job and the people I worked with and for and just saw it as part of the job. What I forgot was that people did not even notice or value the things that I was doing. They didn’t have to do them and they never noticed that they needed to be done.
These lessons were/are extremely helpful. Some of the lessons I applied immediately and others took longer for me to see the wisdom in each statement. Ultimately, my mentor was correct on every one of the points, which is why I would like to share them with you. These points can help in almost any work situation, not just the one I described.
Thank-you Bruce