Recently I was listening to a radio commentator discussing a valedictorian speech that a Grade 12 student had given. The speech was excellent and typical of many other valedictorian speeches I have heard, but at that moment, it struck me. The speech was perfect for those high achievers, the popular students, those kids for which high school was full of good and great memories. What was lacking was any mention of “one of the invisible.”
Every young person entering high school comes from a different background. Some are born into families with all of the advantages imaginable. Some come from abusive families and have practically had to raise themselves and/or their siblings. From those two extremes everyone else falls somewhere in between.
I couldn’t help but think about the impact of a valedictorian for students entering Grade 9. Imagine the impact of having teachers and senior students telling new students just what is possible and then actually working with them to develop an action plan to cover all of the steps necessary, especially, for the “invisibles” to achieve those lofty goals.
It would not be easy: for the invisible, high school is not a highlight reel of sports and academics. It is not a comfortable place. For these kids, high school is full of bullies, frustration, anger, loneliness, and sometimes drugs and a desire for it simply to be over.
To help these invisible students, consider some of these suggestions:
- Explain that it’s okay to feel awkward. Every single person does, even adults. Any time a person is outside their comfort zone, they will feel nervous and unsure of themselves – it is completely natural and to be expected. So many people compare their initial efforts to those people who have had lots of practice: not only is it an unfair comparison, it really leads to increase a vulnerable person’s anxiety.
- Similarly, anyone just starting high school is going to have many cringe-worthy things happen to them. This too, is perfectly normal, but it doesn’t seem that way at the time and that threat only serves to make them want to be even more invisible.
- If you are not one of the “popular” kids, don’t sweat it, just be yourself, even if you have no idea what that means. In my experience, high schools tend to reinforce conformity and there is nothing wrong with being unique. Standing out is not a bad thing, especially if done in a positive way.
- High School is an opportunity to expand your horizons, you don’t have to do everything in one day, but if there is something, you want to do, try it. The first time you try anything don’t expect it to work perfectly the first time, or the second time.
- Pick out your own clothes; if your parents are still buying your clothes, it’s time for you to change that.
- If something is bothering you, talk to someone. There are so many resources available, and its okay to ask. Use 211 as a resource, everyone knows to call 911 in an emergency, but if you need information, 211 does the same thing.
- You are not always going to agree with your parent(s). In fact, there will be times that you will really hate them. It’s not easy on anyone, but it is part of growing up. Hopefully it won’t happen very much, but when it does, understand that it is all part of what happens to everyone. Developing your own opinions is good, even if they are different from your parent(s).
- In school, volunteer to answer questions. Yes, you might be teased by some other students for “sucking up” or you might even get the answer wrong, but that’s okay, you are at least trying. Your education is for you, not for them. By volunteering, teachers will notice you and they will notice that you are trying. Teachers make good references for jobs, and if you are more involved in class, the more interesting it will become.
- Get involved in activities, join a sports team if that is what you want, drama, whatever, even if you do not know anyone. One of the hardest things to do is to try new things where no one knows who you are, but by taking chances and being bold, you are building yourself.
- Don’t be surprised or hurt if some of your friends change. Everyone changes somewhat in High School, some people more than others do and while it might seem personal, it is not.
- You will have teachers that you will not like; you will have to learn in spite of your feelings. Some will deserve a second chance and some are just bad teachers. Most though are just over-worked and appreciating this fact may help to understand their motivation.
- If you get a part-time job during school or in the summer, don’t overdo it. You are likely going to work for most of your adult life: have a job for extra money, but limit the hours so you can get your schoolwork done and also have a social life.
- If there is someone, you like and you want to ask them out, start by learning about them and listening to what they like. Ask them to the movies or whatever you want, but be interested in them and don’t just talk about things you like. Plan what you are going to say, expect that the first time things might go poorly, (see cringe-worthy), but don’t give up.
- Be careful about carrying other people’s burdens. Being a good friend is important but be careful about internalizing their issues and accidentally making them yours.
- Smoking and drugs, they are a part of society; before you try anything talk to someone you feel comfortable talking to before trying it. Somethings are relatively harmless and then others can have severe impacts. Alcohol falls into this category.
- Sex, this will likely happen, when it does just be careful. Understand that protection is necessary, and don’t do anything just because someone is pressuring you to do it. You are in control of your body, and if that isn’t respected, let someone know.
- Social media, peer pressure, your expectations, some things may be helpful and some may not. Be careful not to compare your everyday reality with the highlight reels that you will see online.
- Relax: try not to rush yourself. High school will be over before you know it, for better or for worse, so it’s important to make it the best experience possible for you.
Don’t be invisible. We know that invisible people have been teased, they have been bullied, they have made mistakes, or worse they haven’t made mistakes but they have seen what happens to kids who have and they don’t want that to happen to them. Everyone’s goal is for your high school experience is wonderful and full of great things. The reality is parts of it will be and other parts will be a challenge. For the times that are difficult, remember, IT GETS BETTER.
Who knows, maybe if this happened more, former invisible people might become the valedictorians.