Job Loss Trauma … finding a way back

There are many kinds of trauma.

Look at any media and the signs are easy to see.

Some trauma is not so obvious.  The types and scope of traumas can vary.  Some affect large groups of people and some are much more individualized.  The latter kind of trauma is the kind of trauma that can wake you up at 3 am.  This kind of trauma can destroy from within, invisible even to your closest friends and family.  It also makes the victim feel guilty for even admitting they suffer from it. 

My blog posts are about things that I know, things that I have seen, experienced, or situations where I helped organizations deal with.  This post is about a trauma that I didn’t have a name for until just a few days ago.  This trauma is common, many people have suffered through it in the past, some are experiencing it right now, and still, more will experience it in the future.  

Imagine a scenario at work where you are being walked to the door after more than two decades with an organization.  Why doesn’t matter, there could be any number of reasons, some good some bad.  The door closes and you are literally standing alone in the dark with a cardboard box with your accumulated personal items.  The exit process from the time you were called into an office to here has taken only fifteen minutes.  Your entire life has changed. 

No thank you for the years of service, no appreciation of the sacrifices and the missed family events, just a locked door behind you.  You were once a vital clog in a machine but you are now superfluous and no longer wanted or needed. 

You may feel shocked, betrayed, angry, or simply numb and unbelieving that this could actually happen to you.

It happens all the time.  The reasons include downsizing to an organization simply choosing to go in a different direction.  The reason why really isn’t important because no amount of handwringing or argument is going to change the fact, it is over.  Words are spoken, some sincerely others not really.  Your support of work “friends” may continue for a while but often once you are “off the bus” any contact and comradery ends very quickly as the “bus” moves on without you.

If you are one of those people who becomes their job or career, when a scenario like this happens, you are severed from your comfort zone.  Friends and co-workers, income, and to a large part your self-identity, are all severed.

Sometimes there is severance, sometimes there is not.  It can be devastating at any age.  Some handle it better and bounce back immediately.  Others know they have to move on but struggle with the loss, they are stuck and the damage is very real and will linger.  In many cases the person does not even get a chance to say goodbye to friends and colleagues, they just disappear with perhaps only a terse “form-letter” email sent to the other people in the organization.  The next thing is a trip home to tell their spouse, family, or at worse an empty space with no one. 

If you do not handle it well, what you are feeling has a name – Job loss trauma.

It doesn’t affect everyone, but it can deeply scar others.

So what do you do?

I don’t have all of the answers, but I can tell you what I did and from the other people I have met in similar situations, some of the things they did.  For many years, I did a seminar for a program, called, ‘The Targeted Initiative for Older Workers (TIOW) and I listened to their stories and tried to help.

The first thing is to acknowledge to yourself that job loss trauma is real.

Like some of the people in the TIOW program, I had allowed my career to be a disproportionate part of my life and when I was removed, it was like a physical blow.  At parties or other social settings invariably people will ask, “So what do you do?”  Losing a job makes that question difficult to answer.  Job loss trauma is more than that.  To varying degrees, people experience having a hole in their self-confidence, in their sense of self-identity, and other people and employers may label you or have doubts about your ability wondering that you may have deserved what happened to you. 

Losing a job creates financial trauma.  Your ability to pay bills and expenses that were just a part of normal everyday living now may be unsupportable, creating anxiety for you and those who depend on you.  I have heard some people suggest suing for wrongful dismissal as a way to offset financial worries; however, few of them realize the tens of thousands of dollars that this entails for a lawyer or the months of preparation, waiting, and a resolution, that may or may not be in your favor. 

The stress that families and relationships have to endure is very real, although this trauma may be less visible, it can be just as damaging to them.  In addition, the build-up to the job loss likely exposed not only yourself to stress and trauma, but to your family as well.  Lifestyle changes, even if temporary, cause upheavals.  The damage and changes that are visible are difficult enough; job loss trauma is like the proverbial tip of the iceberg.  

The effects on your ego linger.  Confidence that you once took for granted can evaporate and all affect your attitude as you look for a new career or job.  The loss of status also can batter your ego. 

The longer it takes to find a new place can create fears about atrophying your skills and knowledge.  It becomes difficult to see how your specialized knowledge and skills may be transferrable to new opportunities, not only for the person affected but also sometimes by interviewers who aren’t able to see the connections.

Downward spirals are a very real possibility and are compounded because of a sense of guilt.  The guilt is because on one level you know you have marketable skills and there are people in far worse situations however, you are unable to halt the spiral by yourself.

So what do you do?

Start by giving yourself a break.  Losing your job, regardless of the why’s and could-haves, happens.  Allow yourself to be human and appreciate that all of the emotions you feel are real and nothing that you should feel guilty about.

Get help; don’t try to deal with this by yourself.

Ask for help.  211 is a great place to start.  There is a surprising number of community resources and government services that can help, particularly with older workers.

Talk to people, reconnect with friends, and sign up for free job search clinics that are offered in many communities, like the TIOW.

Realize that your “self-definition” is going to need a little work as will your self-identity.  Examine those skills that you have and look at your specialized knowledge and objectively look at what skills can be transferrable to other careers and jobs. 

Anticipate you are going to doubt yourself and your skills.  There will be a lot of nights you wake up at 3 am and stare at the clock and wonder if you will be able to overcome this trauma and reinvent yourself … by the way, the answer is “YES.”

You may have to change your expectations but working with employment counselors will help.  Talk to them about how to address the lingering doubt employers will have about why a person with your skillset hasn’t been about to get another job.

Construct a new professional network.  Join organizations such as LinkedIn and let people know you are looking for work.  Volunteer, find ways to stay busy and volunteering is a great way to get out, meet people, and make a difference.  Volunteering is also a great way to gain some perspective and regain your confidence.  Opportunities exist at all levels from front-line assistance to becoming a board member of a charity.

I found writing a blog to share my knowledge was therapeutic and helped to network. 

Re-educate yourself through online courses and reading.  Attend seminars and workshops

Know that you are going to face “ageism”; people may think you are too old.  You will be haunted by “what if I had just …,” you will be told you are overqualified; you will have to overcome the fear organizations have about hiring an older person when they could have a younger person.  These are obstacles, but with help, you will find ways over and around them.

Yes, you lost your job and No, you will never completely forget or heal, but you can come to terms with the experience and move forward, just as you have done with other setbacks.  I have found an appreciation and empathy that I know has made me a better person and many have said that this experience may have been the best thing that ever happened to me. 

I don’t have all of the answers.  I have tried to make peace with my job loss trauma each day.

Good luck,

Paul.