Each day you make decisions, dozens of them. Some minor and instantly forgettable. Some major and life altering. Some people make them quickly and effortlessly. Some worry and agonize over them, afraid of choosing the wrong thing. This post is for you.
Everyone makes mistakes, even the people who seem to make all the right choices. Anyone that says different doesn’t understand how things work. We all make mistakes no one is perfect.
Your life is full of key days, where the choice you make will fundamentally change your life. Ironically, just about every day is a key day but you only notice the ones where you have to make a big conscious decision. Every day you come within seconds of car accidents and never realize it. Crossing the road can be dangerous, texting while you are walking, stopping unexpectantly has consequences and the list goes on and on. Key days, however, are days were conscious decisions affect the rest of your life and can include making a decision on where to go to university, taking or not taking a new job, deciding to get married or divorced, deciding on having children. Once a decision has been made and acted on, there is no going back, some doors now open, and others close never to be an option again.
Everyone has regrets, having them is a very human characteristic, but do not spend too much time on them because until someone invents a time machine, you cannot go back. Given what we know after the fact, many of us would make different choices; however, life doesn’t work that way. You do the best you can. The best way to avoid regret is to make your decisions well and to have a process that you follow.
One of my mentors taught me this process.
- When faced with a choice, determine what the facts are.
- What are the alternatives?
- Then make the best decision you can in the time your have.
Try to avoid “shooting from the hip.” Remember its “ready, aim, shoot,” too often people forget about the aim part. In whatever time you have, whether its 3 seconds or 3 days, examine all of the facts that you can access. Look at the alternatives, try to see beyond what might seem like the only alternatives and examine the problem from as many perspectives as you can. Then make the best decision among those alternatives. There really is not any more to it than that.
If you follow that mindset process, then the more decisions you make the better you will get at making decisions, particularly if after each situation you ask yourself:
- What did I do right?
- What did I do wrong?
- What would I do differently next time?
Allow yourself to be human, not every decision is going to be the right one, but look at your thought process and figure out the elements that turned out to be the correct ones. Then examine the parts that did not work out the way you had planned. Depending on the size of the decision, writing down these factors will help for the next time.
Try to avoid reliving past mistakes. “Remember the lesson to apply the next time, but try to leave the mistake in the past.”
Some people think that not making a decision avoids the headaches. Unfortunately not making a decision yourself does not mean that a decision is not made; it still is made but you just abdicate making it and then you have to live with the consequences. I have seen people avoid making a decision because they do not want to make the wrong one, and then they are miserable as a result because they think, “If only I had done ….”
A good exercise to help you is to help other people. Share your experiences, good and bad. A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a wiser person learns from the mistakes from others. Sharing experiences will help make you seem less intimating to people if they realize that you make mistakes as well. A leader or mentor with humility will have a greater impact on those people around them than one who seems perfect.
Often it is easy to become paralysed when presented with too many choices. People worry: “What if I make a mistake, I won’t be able to go back” … that is true, but it is part of what makes us human. We are all exposed to so many choices, particularly the younger we are. Learning how to make choices is one of the most fundamental abilities that everyone needs, by being engaged in the decisions that shape your life is so much better than simply allowing life to happen to you.
The best choice is the right choice; the second best choice is the wrong choice. The more decisions you make, the better you become at making them. Treat every experience as a learning opportunity and even wrong choices will be a learning experience.
In addition, keep in mind, the time will never be perfect. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. For many people there is a natural inclination to say that “I’m not ready” or the “time just isn’t right” and these are fair statements if you have looked at the facts and alternatives and thought through the decision. If time doesn’t require a decision at this moment, sometimes there is no harm in waiting. However, if time is a factor, then make the best decision you can. You will find in most things, you will never have all of the information or the timing will never be perfect; that is when you have to learn to trust yourself and your ability to analyse situations and do your best.
Consider how life can change over these common decisions choices,
- In high school asking that person on a date. Many people avoid this situation, fearing rejection; however, keep in mind, if they say “Yes” how wonderful that might be; and even if they say “No,” then at least you know.
- In high school taking a chance for something physical like a sport that you want to try, or taking a role in a play. Few people are good at anything the first time they try something, put yourself out there and give yourself a chance to get better.
- In high school making a presentation and forcing yourself do to it despite being deathly afraid of public speaking. My advice, go first no one is paying attention the person going first because they are all worried about having to go next, and you will get graded easier.
- Sometimes saying “No” to an opportunity like getting into a car driven by someone high or who has been drinking or, saying no to friends who want you to try shoplifting.
- At work, having that difficult conversation about asking for a raise or promotion.
- At work, deciding that you aren’t challenged enough and deciding to look for another job.
- Leaving an abusive partner.
- Anything that involves leaving a comfort zone, the adage, nothing grows in a comfort zone.
- In life deciding where to live, what house or apartment to choose
We are all a product of our decisions and choices. We are all the products of our hereditary and our environments. We are presented with choices every day; each one will affect our lives. Know that you will makes mistakes and that is okay. Learn from the good choices you make and learn from the bad choices. Making choices and decisions means that you are an active participant in your life, not a passive observer to the ups and downs that are going to happen in your life.
Good luck,
“Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently than everyone else” – Sara Blakely