Have you ever worked for someone or a mentor who tried to teach you something every day? Maybe you have had several such mentors. People who were mentors without even trying to be one. A person who sees your potential regardless of what you have done before, who sees value no matter how hard they have to look?
When you have someone like that, you will benefit from teachable or light bulb moments. Moments that can change your life.
These are some of my teachable moments. Some I learned along the way from people who saw and continue to see potential in me, and some from people who taught me lessons that I needed to know. I want to say I was smart enough to see the moments as they occurred, but that would not be true; I only learned and truly appreciated many of those moments from my rear-view mirror.
Don’t fire anyone on your first day as a manager or you will be working their shift. On my first day as a manager, I encountered two employees who were troublemakers according to my supervisor who recommended I fire them. I did, but when I went to go home, the same supervisor asked me where I was going because their shift had to be covered, so I worked their shift and learned a valuable teachable moment of the importance of timing and having a plan.
Hoppers Management Rule #1 – as a leader everything that goes wrong is your fault. You can have teachable moments anywhere and anytime; this one is from the movie “A Bug’s Life.” In the movie, the princess complains when something happens that it wasn’t their fault, the main villain points out, “As a leader, the first rule of management is everything is your fault.” As a leader, this lesson is part of the responsibility you accept when you take a job and is something any leader must be willing to shoulder.
Be teachable. It is okay to have strong opinions; however, you do not have a monopoly on good ideas and what is important is to appreciate there are always alternatives you should be open to consideration. I learned this from a variety of mentors, all of whom continued to learn and be teachable even after they each had achieved success.
Appreciate and learn from people’s confirmation bias. In the battle for the hearts and minds of your people, your customers, and anyone else; the ability to learn and know what those people believe is important before you try to convince them of anything using facts and evidence that don’t connect with their beliefs. The recent results of the US Presidential Election are a great example of this maxim.
When faced with a problem, change your perspective. There is always more than one perspective when faced with an issue, move around it, step back or step closer, and ask yourself what it is you aren’t seeing. One of my earliest mentors taught me that there aren’t two sides to every argument, there are dozens and if I could appreciate and see those different perspectives he said I would make better decisions and build stronger connections with my people.
If you want to help someone, don’t ride in to save them. Listen before you suggest a solution, often the person you’re trying to help knows what to do, they just want reassurance, the ability to make their own decisions, and to save themselves if possible. I used to tell people that I wanted to save them from failing; however, what I should have done and said, “I want to help you to succeed.”
Orientation begins when you prepare a job ad. Building a culture for your team or organization can never start too early. Far too many organizations wonder why they lose people shortly after they start and not building a sense of belonging and/or having effective training is often the cause in my experience. As a consultant and business leader, I strived to ensure that each new person hired felt supported, and welcome, and worked hard to integrate them into every organization.
As a leader, you get paid to handle hard things. Nobody likes having to fire someone, to deal with a difficult customer supplier, or staff member, but that is what you signed up for. I learned this early from a great mentor when I worked for Sears, she always told me that it was my responsibility to achieve my store’s goals, but when I really earned my salary was when “the shit hits the fan and everything is spiraling out of control, my ability to stay poised, make effective decisions, and lead was why I earned a manager’s salary.” Not only was she right, she set the example for me as well.
Expect people to quit and make sure you help them. Finding good people is very difficult, and training people is expensive, but some people are going to quit and eventually, everyone working for you now won’t be there someday. Instead of hiding from this reality, build strong relationships and understand when the time comes that you do all you can to help them. In my experience, I found that my people stayed as long as they could and we built a strong network of connections and as a result continued to pay dividends long after they left.
See the value in everyone. I believe in people and I have been taught to look for strengths while helping people to overcome weaknesses. Often as a leader, you may need to rearrange the seats on the bus but it is worth the effort even though some will not make it. All of my early mentors coached this belief and I learned to look past behaviors or shortcomings to see the motivation and strengths of people who I had previously judged too harshly.
Never want someone to improve more than they want to. While I strive to see value in everyone, I realize not everyone wants to leave their comfort zone. To improve people need to want to improve otherwise your efforts are as effective as trying to push a rope up a hill. Even my Dale Carnegie instructor said, “There are some people who won’t change regardless of how much you want them to.”
Pick your own assistant. I have inherited an assistant several times in my career, each of them had thought they would get my job instead of me and it took longer than necessary to win them over and in some cases, it never happened. If they are teachable then try; however, if possible start fresh or promote someone who won’t undermine your efforts.
Take a Dale Carnegie course. The books “How to Win Friends and Influence People, and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” changed my life. Although almost 100 years old, each still holds valuable life lessons today. I am grateful to Bruce Beattie for introducing me to these books.
Always go last in line at company functions if you are a leader. Most people will not even notice this small, but important gesture but few things demonstrate your commitment to putting your people ahead of you.
Be committed and encourage life-long learning. Read, listen, watch books, podcasts, videos, attend seminars, visit similar or competing organizations; become a sponge of ideas. The skills and experience you learn are yours forever. Every one of my mentors has recommended this and I continue to pay forward this wisdom myself.
There is no good way to fire anyone. Call it termination, downsizing, or making a position redundant; it is all firing. When someone is let go you change their life and it should be hard to make sure you are doing it for all of the right reasons and in a way that provides as much dignity and respect as possible.
What do you win? Dale Carnegie taught the best way to win an argument is to avoid it, although few of us remember that. When you are in an argument at work, at home, or anywhere; ask yourself “What do you win if you win?” Often the prize is of less value than what you win. As a person who always tried to win, often at all costs; I know I am a much better leader and person because my good friend taught me to “pick my battles and to look ahead to the consequences” more than to just fight for a momentary victory.
What if they are right? A former boss taught me this one day when I was not taking feedback well and was very defensive in the face of negative feedback. He looked at me, scratched one eyebrow like he always did when he was making a point, and asked, “What if they are right?” It was so unexpected I knew he agreed with the feedback and as I thought about it, I realized as well, and instead of continuing to be defensive, I learned an important lesson.
Don’t be a bully or allow bullies to exist on your team The line between being a strong leader and being a bully can often be very thin. I used to believe the strength of my determination would be enough to win people over to my way of thinking, my tenacity often crossed the line into relentlessness and the harder I tried the further away from my goals I got. A good leader can be a strong leader; however, a strong leader believes in and practices collaboration, connectivity, and compromise.
It’s not about you. People have minds, thoughts, dreams, and goals; you do too, and often they are compatible but sometimes they are not and that is okay. This teachable moment has been one I have struggled with but have come to appreciate only after the alienation of people I wished I hadn’t driven away because I lost sight of their dreams, goals, and opinions.
You have blind spots, and bias, and may even be racist without being aware of it. I am a white, middle-class, older male, and as much as I pride myself on not being or having or being any of these things, I do. I am a product of a system with biases, misconceptions, colonialism, discrimination, and racism. I am working hard to eliminate my biases, educate myself, reduce my blind spots, and be an ardent anti-racist person. The more I learn about people who are barriered by these facts of living, the more I see.
I am currently taking a course on Intersectionality that inspired this blog. I have wanted to share my ideas and experiences because none of us can be described as “one type of person,” each of us brings a lifetime of experiences, some good, some bad; however, all of us have had “teachable moments,” and we all can teach each other so much. I appreciate every person who reads my posts and I sincerely hope that you take away your own teachable moments.
Thank you,
Paul