I work regularly with high school students and despite the time difference between now and when I was in their place, there are many similarities. On occasion, I wonder how different things would be if I had known then the things that I know now: if I had five or ten minutes to speak with my younger self, what would I say in the time available?
To answer these questions, I will consider them independently. See how your answers compare to mine.
Question #1 – If you could, what would you share with your 18-year-old self?
Apply yourself more in school. Then I thought I worked hard, but now I realize I had so much to learn about priorities, good work habits, and the long-term effects of having better choices. Many of my opportunities would have been better had I worked smarter and harder.
Take more chances and get involved. I went through high school more or less anonymously. My school went from grades 7 to 13 and, with a late birthday, I was just eleven years old when I began – almost a year younger than everyone else. I was smart, but I was bullied and picked on: as a result, I withdrew and tried to be invisible. I missed out on so much because I was afraid and I still see students like me today. Today I encourage students to “stand out,” to realize most of their fear is inside them and everyone feels afraid sometimes, even the confident ones. I would tell myself to join clubs, and do sports, even if I wasn’t very good at the beginning. I would get better.
Don’t wait for people (parents, guidance department) to decide what you want to be. They can help, but ask questions, do your own research, ask people what they do and if they like it. When I graduated from university the only thing I knew how to be was a student: I had no idea what I wanted to do.
Consider going to a trade school over university. Many parents and teachers are biased toward university, but some of the smartest people I know are tradespeople. University might be right for some, but it doesn’t have to be your only choice.
Do as many co-operative education work terms as you can. Today I speak to co-op classes regularly and while academic studies are important, gaining exposure to work environments can only help provide even more skills to graduating students and help them to decide what they might want to or don’t want to do for their career.
If there is someone you want to ask out, take the chance and ask. Will you be nervous? Might they say “no”? Will you be crushed? Yes, Yes, and Maybe, but maybe they will say “YES!” If they don’t, it’s okay, to try again with someone else. P.S. Remember to be as interested in them as you are interested in going out with them.
Apply for scholarships. Going to university or college is expensive and while paying your own way is good, having someone else pay for it is better. Sometimes nobody bothers to apply and the scholarship goes unawarded.
Always build connections and connectivity. Networking must always be sincere and benefit other people as much as it helps you. Teachers, coaches, co-op opportunities, friends: being interested in people will repay you many times over.
Take advantage of travel and opportunities before your responsibilities start to pile up. Doors open and close so quickly and if you wait until you have just the right amount of money or time, the opportunity may be gone.
Take a course or workshops on how to find a job and (equally important) on how to keep a job. Nobody is good at these things without practice and most of us don’t have a clue on how to do either at the beginning of our careers.
Learn First Aid – physical and mental. The first course is important as it can save family, friends, and complete strangers. The second makes you aware of how common negative mental health experiences are and will help you to challenge and expand upon everything you already know about mental health and addiction issues.
Do not be afraid to change jobs. Appreciate though all jobs can suck some days. Drama and politics are difficult to escape, but good workplaces do exist. Learn to recognize that high levels of toxicity sometimes cannot be overcome.
Life is not a competition. You are on your own path and comparing your progress or that of your family members to anyone other than yourself or them will always be counterproductive.
Never stop learning. Learn from everyone: the good, the bad, and everyone in between. Take courses, constantly improve, and upgrade your skills. As hard as you can work, you may find yourself looking for work through no fault of your own.
Working hard is important, but working without appreciation is not going to get you where you want to be. Balance between your life outside of work and what you do so you can live is an important priority.
When you have children, remember they are only small once. Work hard, but don’t miss things you will regret … it will be over faster than you can believe.
You are going to make mistakes: learn from them, grow from them. As a generalization, most adults are ashamed of their mistakes. Making mistakes is a human trait and can be the result of trying new things, and experimenting with new ideas, and should be encouraged.
Practice the things you don’t do well. While seemingly obvious, my experience is that adults tend to shy away from things they should practice.
Know when to “go to war” and “when to keep your powder dry.” You will be more successful and happier if you do not have to “win” at everything. Picking what is worth your time and appreciating discretion is the better part of valor is a tremendous skill to develop.
Pain and loss are unavoidable. The darkness we experience makes us appreciate the light and recognizing this fact will help you seek help when you need it.
Take a Dale Carnegie course as soon as you can. Learning how to win friends through willing co-operation and how to stop worrying are skills that will change your life. Anyone who believes the shear force of their will can be imposed on others is wrong.
Find ways to win that do not necessarily mean other people must lose. You will succeed by building and developing those around you, not by domineering them.
Listen to those around you and constantly seek out mentors. I have been fortunate to have had many great mentors. Early in my career I wasted so many mentorship opportunities because I thought I could do everything myself…I was stubborn and wrong.
Challenge the status quo. Ask questions. Make a difference with everything you do. Do these things whether it affects many people or simply just you.
Be thoughtful and appreciative of your partners, family, and those around you. Ask questions, become genuinely interested, and demonstrate empathy for the struggles around you that you cannot see.
Don’t hold in bitterness or resentment, it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Pride and ego can be useful tools, but both can hold you back.
Money is a tool for a living but can only be spent once. Have a budget, follow your budget, plan for fun, plan for living, and always start saving.
Know it’s okay for people not to agree with you. Some will not like you. Disagreement can be healthy, though frustrating. Appreciate that you can be wrong.
You will have regrets. Always do the best you can, don’t shirk making decisions, and take responsibility. These won’t stop you from having regrets but they can help you to sleep well at night.
Question #2 – Would you?
My life has not been perfect.
In fact, many times I don’t think I could have messed it up more if I had done it on purpose.
However, I would not change anything. I have a wonderful family and many good memories, and I am not finished yet.
Instead of changing how I did things or wasting time with the “what ifs,” I am helping other people. I am using my mistakes, my successes, and my experiences to help other people. The good and bad things I have accomplished or experienced can be shared and should be shared. If I had not done what I have done, I would not now have the depth of experience, knowledge, and perspective I need to make a difference.
While sometimes I am wistful about how things could have been different, I would resist the temptation to change my past. I have, I do, and I will continue to try to influence those people around me to benefit from what I have done, but always leave it to them to choose what they adopt and what they do not.
Good luck,
Paul.