I worry, many of us do.
Stress and anxiety are never far away. Even in our good times, both lurk in the shadows; always there, always ready to affect our lives. Unfortunately, awareness doesn’t stop them from debilitating us, they cause high blood pressure, make us uncomfortable, and make us avoid situations and opportunities.
I have lived with them all my life. Each day I feel them. Usually, I can manage their effects using some of the coping tools I have learned. Some days are better than others. Events of the past few days and weeks have reminded me of how ever-present stress and anxiety are. I would like to share some of the tools that I use to allow me to manage my stress and anxiety. Maybe they can help you or someone you know.
I should acknowledge Dale Carnegie. Many years ago, I was fortunate to be part of an eight-week course based on his books, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” as well as “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.” The course changed my life. I continue to lean heavily on his “lessons.” While the material was written in the first part of the twentieth century, the subject matter is still as relevant today as the day it was written.
One lesson is to “Live in Day Tight Compartments.” Building on this thought, I try to separate my goals and tasks into “short-term – today; medium-term – this week, this month, and maybe the rest of the quarter; and long-term – the rest of the year and longer. Being able to keep those three sets of goals/tasks within a tight arc helps tremendously. Focusing on what needs to happen today allows me to avoid the paralysis of worrying about too many things at once. Being able to prioritize what needs to be done allows me to accomplish immediate tasks without worrying about everything else that needs to be done.
Anxiety and stress seem to affect me the most when I am tired. Taking care of myself by eating properly, exercising regularly, and getting enough sleep makes a huge difference for me. Additionally, learning to recognize when I start to make mistakes as a sign that a break is needed is vital for not being overwhelmed. Even a 10–15-minute break helps. I know my focus can suffer when I am tired, so I tend to work on tasks in 20-30 minute sprints. When I finish one sprint, I will work on a different one for a new 20–30-minute period before returning to the first task.
As a project manager, I deal with risk all the time. We all do. Some risks can be avoided, some can be mitigated, some risks are good, and some are bad; however, certain risks are inevitable and can’t be avoided. Learning to accept that reality is the first step, then creating a plan, and then implementing the plan is the best way to reduce the stress and anxiety caused by the situation.
Using logic and Dale Carnegie’s three simple steps to overcome your problems is another strategy that works. In any situation, ask yourself, “What is the very worst that could happen?” Then prepare yourself to accept that as the outcome, if you can figure out ways to live with that outcome, your stress and anxiety will be reduced. Completing the final step; which is finding ways to improve that outcome also will help to reduce your stress and anxiety by providing the means of taking control of your situation. Executing these three simple steps will help deal with virtually any problem you or I will face.
Changing your perspective is a very good way to reduce the impact of stress and anxiety. When under their influence, step back and consider all of the positive things that are happening to you. We often forget the positive when we are focused on the negative. Everyone we know also has issues and problems, and keeping in mind that you are not alone in your struggles helps to keep your balance and ability to cope.
Don’t be so worried about past mistakes that you make new mistakes. Remember the “lessons learned” is what matters, and don’t continue to re-live the mistake. No amount of worry will change what has already happened, key your focus on now and the future. We have all made mistakes, and done embarrassing things; if it happens, don’t allow yourself to miss new opportunities.
Stay busy. Remember that being active will prevent your mind from focusing on anxiety and stress. Getting started on activities sooner than later is also a great way to alleviate stress. For example, I recommend anyone nervous or stressed about public speaking volunteer to go first. In those situations, I am always nervous myself; however, once I begin, I focus on the task, and I find I enjoy this activity despite the stress and anxiety.
According to experts, many of the things we stress or feel anxious about do not happen. Carnegie recommended using the law of averages to outweigh your worries. For example, many people worry about flying, but statistically, you are much more likely to be in an accident during your normal routine than you are to be in an accident while flying.
Something counterintuitive is Carnegie’s statement that “Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment.” Recently, someone commented to me that “I didn’t seem like a good fit,” for a certain organization. On the surface it is difficult not to take that comment personally; however, she further explained because I enjoy challenges and change, the organization in question is very rigid and change-resistant. She was right. She knew that as an innovative and creative thinker, I would constantly be frustrated by the laissez-faire thinking of that organization.
Make someone feel better about themselves. Carnegie knew his research showed doing good deeds can activate neurotransmitters in the brain that are associated with positive feelings and decrease stress and anxiety. Helping other people, making them feel better about themselves, and paying people genuine compliments definitely helps to manage the stress and anxiety many of us face daily.
Don’t suffer alone. Anxiety and stress are real health issues and the worst thing we can do is isolate ourselves. Know that help is available, use 211, seek out your local mental health services, and talk to friends, family, and/or co-workers. Take a mental health first aid course in your community and you will learn even more tools to help you manage your anxiety and stress.
Don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t be anxious or stressed. Many of us compare ourselves to other people; social media comparisons have caused this issue to explode in recent years. If you are feeling anxious or stressed, it doesn’t matter if other people don’t seem to be affected as much as you are; if it affects you that is okay, use these tools and know that it is okay to seek even more help so you enjoy life and your opportunities.
What I have provided is a brief overview of some “Tools that everyone can use.” These tools work, I would highly recommend reading Dale Carnegie’s books as well as attending a mental health first aid workshop (see the links below). Stress and anxiety are very real and negatively affect many people like me. Know that you do not have to suffer, nor do your friends and family.
I worry. Most of us do, but you can do something about it.
Good luck,
Paul.
WIKIPEDIA LINK – Dale Carnegie’s Book – “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”