Always take the “High Road”

Whether dealing with customers, clients, suppliers, co-workers, employers, or employees, you will need to navigate the minefield of feelings, egos, temper tantrums, fear, tensions, and differing agendas very carefully every day. 

To do this successfully, I have learned the best approach is always to take the “high road.”  I appreciate that your own feelings, experiences, and ego can make this equally difficult.

When I began my career fresh from university, I saw things as black and white.  If I worked hard, did the right things, I believed success would follow automatically.  I learned very quickly that success was never guaranteed and depended on how I successfully interacted with those people around me. 

A consistent theme of graduating students is that they will not make the same mistakes as their parents.  A funny thing happens for many people.  In twenty or thirty years, not only do those students begin to look like their parents, their attitudes, behavior, and world becomes remarkably similar to their parents.

This post is not cynical nor does imply that this happens to everyone, but it does attempt to provide answers to the following questions.    

How do you break the cycle? 

How do make a difference? 

How do you get things done?

People.  Other people, it is impossible to do by yourself, by the sheer power of your personality.  Your will might work for a while, but ultimately your success depends on building and developing people.

I would like to say that I have discovered the magic process that works every time.  I haven’t; however, through some helpful mentoring and some hard lessons, I have learned how to navigate many of the minefields I have encountered and so can you. 

I can remember an uncle sharing one of the first lessons on the way to the “high road.”  He said, “Learn from everyone.”  If someone takes the time to explain something to you and you know what they are going to say, “listen anyway and thank them for sharing.” He said that by listening, they will feel appreciated, and the next time they may share something that you didn’t already know.  He said, most people want to help you and he was absolutely right. 

You can also learn valuable lessons on what not to do as well from observing and listening to how people interact around you, what works and what doesn’t work.

Dale Carnegie’s course on “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” should be required reading for everyone.  One of his lessons was, to appreciate how other people see things.  When you do this, you will come to “Appreciate that their viewpoint and to accept you will not always get your way.” When navigating difficult situations it is important to keep your perspectives and mind open.  When basing decisions on your own limited knowledge or biases you can form opinions or arguments that may prove to be wrong when more facts are revealed.  When examining situations take a moment and listen to view the facts from different perspectives before making a decision.

Another great lesson from Carnegie was “The best way to win a fight, is to avoid it,” or at the very least to try to avoid “win/lose situations.  I will admit I have struggled with this one.  Sometimes it is unavoidable but where it is possible, try to avoid embarrassing anyone if you can, people have long memories and resent being made to lose.  Always try to find a way for the other person to escape a situation with their dignity.

An important mentor in my career taught me to “Ready, aim, shoot,” when making decisions.   For most of my career, I have always been able to make good decisions very quickly.  To those around me, I appeared reckless and prone to seemingly pull answers out of nowhere.  The fact I was usually right, only infuriated them because they thought my success was simply luck, that I was shooting from the hip all of the time and sooner than later I would be wrong.

This mentor taught me to slow down so those people would see that I was actually determining:  “What are all of the facts?  What are all of the alternatives, and then based on those first two points, make the best decision possible.  He said, “Whether you have two seconds or two months to make a decision, having people see that you have a process and that they understand can make all of the difference in how they see you and how you succeed in an organization.

This same mentor suggested reviewing and self-correcting after implementing decisions.  He would say, ask, “What did I do right?  What did I do wrong, and what would I do differently the next time.”  This process allows for incremental improvement.  Other mentors encouraged me to remember that situations rarely ever go smoothly the first time, that’s normal, but to follow the same process and do things better the next time.

Perhaps one of the most important lessons is “Pick when to go to war.”  There was a time when I needed to succeed, to prove myself, and the way I tried to do that was to attempt to win every argument and every battle.  All I succeeded in was isolating myself and becoming less effective.  Even if I was right in what I was arguing about, however, because I was seen as uncompromising my influence waned.  To influence change, you must have a seat at the table, then and only then can you affect change. 

For anyone that has seen my LinkedIn profile, you will note “A small quote for today …” This is a small way to give back to people who have helped me.  It originated many years ago as a quiet way of inspiring my associates, they knew that the quotes were always meant for a specific person each day, surprisingly almost every day two or three people would thank me for thinking about them because the quotes would resonate with them.  When I changed jobs, I continued.  Another point that Carnegie preached, “If you help someone else, you will feel better,” was right and during some very difficult times, sometimes the comments I got back for my quotes, help to inspire me to continue. 

No one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes and is wrong.  To succeed, “Appreciate that you might be wrong” and admit it openly, the pride that you swallow is more than offset by the humanity that you display.  Cultivate trust with your key associates so that they feel comfortable telling you what they think, especially when they think you are wrong.

“Expect ingratitude,” it is not that people don’t appreciate what you do, but they are busy with their issues, lives, and their own agendas.  People’s daily grind makes them forget to show appreciation and most of us have been guilty of forgetting the work that others do to help us.  Instead of reacting in kind when someone seems ungrateful, make a point of providing a “thank-you” for what they do, an unexpected compliment might just change their perspective. 

The media is full of horrible examples of poorly handled customer service disasters. What gets forgotten is everyone makes mistakes; some mistakes are just bigger than others.  A lesson that has had a profound effect on my approach to these situations is “When there is a problem, own it and get out in front of it.”  Similarly, if an associate, client, or volunteer makes an error, display the grace to accept what they did as a mistake. 

Many organizations have unknowingly fostered an environment where their people are afraid of making a mistake or are simply afraid to say what they are thinking because of how their coworkers and managers react.  Good organizations appreciate that mistakes are going to happen; teaching people to make decisions will naturally result in mistakes being made.  Coaching people to own their mistakes, admit them, and get ahead of the impacts, is one of the best ways to develop people and your organization.

Any organization has factions, groups of people who either support or don’t support some or all of the things that their organization does.  These factions are less common in a smaller organization, but they do exist.  “Appreciating these negative factions exist,” is the first step in finding ways to diffuse their influence and have them help resolve issues.  Allowing people to “vent” without repercussions is a good way to start.  Use their opinions to help strengthen your response to problems.  It can be difficult for leaders to listen to criticism, but it is a vital way to deal with issues while they are manageable rather than waiting until they become so huge that everyone loses.

“Not every situation is going to be winnable.”  This does not imply that you should throw up your hands and quit.  There are times though, that after trying everything to solve an issue, there actually is no way to solve the problem.   Good organizations minimize the number of times this happens, but they also know that it is going to happen and they recognize the signs and deal effectively when it does happen.   Good organizations when they examine alternatives to problems will have an action plan prepared and ready should things not go well. 

“Cultivate a reputation for being fair and delivering what you say,” being fair and reliable is sometimes almost everyone appreciates.  If people can count on you to deliver what you promise, even your worst critic will respect that. 

“Always take the high road”.  It is tempting to strike back when wronged.  One of my favourite mentors uses the Klingon reference, “Revenge is a dish best served cold,” and she is right, but even better, leave revenge for karma to sort out. 

Always try to avoid negative reactions to situations, particularly if your first inclination is to attack someone figuratively.  I have written many scathing emails about wrongs inflicted on me … I send them to myself and never to the intended target.  When you feel attacked and it will happen, take a deep breath and be the bigger person, it will usually pay bigger dividends in the end.

Do these strategies work?  I think so.  In my career both each day and over the years, I seem to face these situations daily.  I do my best to adhere to them, some days I fail to rise to the standard.  One thing is consistent though when I can take the “higher road” I usually come out ahead, and that is the example I set for myself each day.

I hope they work for you,

Paul.