It’s two am and your heart is pounding. You are staring at the ceiling. You are exhausted but can’t sleep. You lost your job months ago. Your bills are piling up and your bank account is almost as exhausted as you feel. You are afraid and you don’t seem able to shake this fear.
We can be afraid for many reasons; in my job as a career advisor, I see it every day. Fear manifests itself in many ways; but when you are unemployed, whether looking for a first job or after having been fired or laid off; it is ever present and never far from the people I work with.
We self-identify with our jobs, we spend more time each day working on average than we spend doing anything else, and when we don’t have that steadiness, it leaves a gap, a hole, a hole that often can fill with fears and drag us into it’s depths.
What can you do, how do you pull yourself out of the grip our fear exerts over us. Keep reading and I will share what worked for me and the people I try to help.
Dealing with Fear
First, realize your fear is very real. Often people will try to help by saying, “Just get on with it, or work through it, I did.” Often well-meaning, these people aren’t very helpful; instead, I recommend, acknowledging your fears, shining a light onto them, and writing them down. Admitting what you’re afraid of clearly and as concisely as possible is a great first step in overcoming those fears.
Next, challenge negative thoughts. If we are unemployed it is easy to fall into “fear holes;” such as the fear that you will not find another job, that employers won’t want you, that you’re not good enough, that everyone will think you are a failure, and there are just no opportunities. Begin dealing with these thoughts by knowing everyone feels this way at some point. This is where speaking with a career advisor becomes helpful or talking to friends and family can help you realize that there is hope for you.
Take Small Steps. Begin with making a new resume, don’t leave anything out; most people don’t take time to look at how many transferrable skills they have. Resumes are just one example of a small but meaningful step. With each step, you will expose more pieces of your fears to the light and minimize their grip on you.
Practice Mindfulness or Relaxation. This can be very hard to do, especially when you are lying awake at 3:30 in the morning; however, finding ways to gain a better perspective will help.
Build up your confidence. From personal experience with losing a job or being afraid to leave a toxic job, setting and achieving targeted small goals is the way to chart a path forward to where you want to be.
There is help available. Getting support from friends, mentors, therapists, and career advisors (many excellent people are available, often at no cost to you). You do not have to go through this alone.
The best way to beat fear is to do something. Being unemployed is something that happens to most people, some of us many times. Each time it is very scary and can quickly become overwhelming. Many have said, “Action is the antidote to fear,” and they are right. I tell job seekers, “It doesn’t matter how you got here, what matters now is what you do today and what you do moving forward.” Deciding what you want, what skills you need, and how to get them, making and then executing a plan will help you.
What are the fears? (some of them) and what is a good way forward?
Social anxiety – People who are established in their jobs may enjoy freedom from social anxiety. They thrive in routine, knowing expectations of themselves and what their organizations expect. The way forward: If you experience this fear, then seek out a career advisor or another form of support to help provide a plan and path to follow as well as reassurance during the job search process.
Expectations – The people who experience this worry about whether a new job will meet their expectations for income, job satisfaction, and prestige. Additionally, meeting the expectations of their employers and the fear of being laid off or fired are major worries. The way forward: For these people, appreciating and developing their skills and transferrable skills can lessen their fears. Learning and staying current with technology and their industry can also lessen those fears. Continuously learning and developing at all stages of their work life and requesting feedback is vital.
Interviews – These are the gateways to employment and are often unfairly used to just a candidate’s suitability for an opportunity. The way forward: I encourage job seekers who are fearful; to learn how to ask for interview questions in advance as a form of employment equity to “level the playing field.” I strongly encourage all my job seekers to practice interview questions using role-playing. To answer questions in terms of “solving the employer’s problems” and to stay focused.
Overcoming learning difficulties – We all learn differently, and our learning ability can be hindered by disability as well as age. The way forward: As part of the Canadian and worldwide efforts to build diversity, equity, and inclusiveness, more employers are willing to accommodate reasonable requests by people seeking work. These employers are also more aware of having evolving orientation programs to help people integrate faster and more efficiently into their workplace, and I encourage job seekers to research and learn which companies support DEI initiatives to help themselves find a “good fit.”
Confidence – When we are outside of our comfort zones, our confidence in our abilities suffers, especially when participating in interviews or during the first days with a new organization. The way forward: The support of family, friends, and career advisors can make the difference between success and failure. Employers, as mentioned are increasingly aware of the importance of orientation in retaining and building confidence with their new hires.
How other people will treat me or think about me – Similar to social anxiety, confidence, and expectations, many people are concerned about “fitting in” or not being treated fairly by their coworkers or customers. The way forward: We have been conditioned by our good experiences and our bad experiences, and often people who experience this fear have had more bad than good encounters in their past. Do not withdraw or seek to isolate yourself; tell people you trust, and work in small steps to build confidence in yourself.
Fear of succeeding – What if I get the job I am trying for? The way forward: New jobs will change your life, and fear of change might be the greatest fear of all fears for many people. Using the methodology in the introduction as a guide will help, as well as the realization the way forward is the best and only direction oftentimes.
Failure – What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t find a good job? What if I can’t pay my bills? What about my responsibilities to my family, and to myself? The way forward: As human beings, we fail often; as a society though, we seem to think this is abnormal when in fact it is not. You will fail, I fail; however, consider that failing is important and is a key element of learning. Failing is not the end of the world; it is just another step in moving towards where you want to go, appreciate what you have learned, and take the next step.
Time – I am too old. I have made too many bad decisions or had bad experiences in the past. The way forward: These are common fears, but you can use the same approach to them as all fears. Appreciate these fears are real, choose paths and goals that minimize the impacts of these fears, and plan the steps for your success.
What if my boss finds out I am looking for another job? Beginning to look for a new job means upending your existing comfort zone; it means inviting risk and discovery, which could have negative effects if you are unsuccessful. The way forward: Discretion is possible, and many people are in similar positions and are successful without advising their current employer. Ultimately, if you are looking for another position, it is usually because you are unhappy anyway.
Stigma and misinformation – This fear, unfortunately, still exists for people who live with disabilities and may still be a valid fear. The way forward: When job seeking, seek out organizations that have and use diversity, equity, and inclusiveness openly.
Paralyzed into inaction – The fear of everything and/or the fear of relapsing into past behaviors or health issues. The way forward: Utilize the process for any fear, being overwhelmed by fear is very common, my coaching is to break each fear down, illuminate it, and ask for help if you cannot break it down yourself.
Technology – It is easy to forget that those people who are most at ease with technology have to learn it sometimes too. The way forward: It is true technological change happens faster and faster, but that has also always been true. We forget that it is okay not to be good at things the very first time. Technology requires an open mind that is prepared to accept that nothing stays the same, sometimes it is better not, to ask for help, to be patient, and never to forget that we are fully capable of adapting.
Not all fears are paralyzing, not all fears are overwhelming; however, any kind of fear is real and the effects on you, particularly when you are looking for a new job or career are important not to underestimate. People are resilient and so can you be, acknowledge your fears, understand them, ask for support and help, don’t isolate yourself, and make a plan to overcome them.
Good luck,
Paul