How well do you read social cues?

I recently asked this question of an employer.

Their response was that they read social cues very well, to which I asked about how well they read social cues from neurodiverse people. They said they had never realized there was a difference, and that was the inspiration for this blog. There is a difference, not because people who live with barriers are better or worse, it’s just their social cues and their ability to recognize social cues is different and if we truly want to be a society that lives diversity, equity, and inclusiveness; we need to be more aware of not only other people’s ability to recognize social cues, but so we do.

When interacting with people who live with various barriers—whether neurological, physical, cultural, or social- being mindful of social cues and adapting our communication and behavior is key to creating a respectful, inclusive environment. Also, realize that everyone who lives with barriers is unique; there is no “typical barrier,” there is nuance and varying degrees of those barriers.

Autism / Asperger’s (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

Asperger’s, because of the fascist link, is now preferred by those who experience it to be called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD-1).

Be literal, concise, and direct. It is essential to avoid being vague or leaving space for interpretation, as this will be particularly helpful for people who experience this condition. Avoid sarcasm as well.

Be patient when asking questions. People who live with autism or ASD may require a moment or two longer to process your question and formulate their response. They may also ask for clarification so they understand better.

Eye contact. Do not expect or insist on eye contact. Often, we assume that someone who doesn’t make eye contact is nervous or not paying attention; this is not necessarily true for people who experience autism.

Stimming behavior. While potentially distracting for the uninitiated, rocking, hand-flapping, and using a fidget device are very common and are very useful for the person using this technique.

The importance of the right environment. People who live with Autism and ASD are very sensitive to excessive stimuli in their workplace or for activities, try to avoid or reduce the intensity of bright lights, loud noises, and strong odors or smells.

The importance of routines, interruptions, and sudden changes. People who live with autism or ASD can have incredible focus and the ability to notice things other people miss; however, as a general rule, they will function better in a stable environment than one that is constantly changing.

Don’t misread the lack of social engagement. Many people with Autism or ASD are not social and tend to avoid interaction, and it is important not to assume they are rude; it is a common attribute for people who experience these barriers.

Cognitive Disabilities / Down Syndrome / Intellectual Disabilities

Language. It is important to use clear, simple, and other language that isn’t subject to interpretation or misunderstanding. Additionally, treat people who experience these barriers with dignity and respect; they may prefer you speak slowly so they can process your request, but don’t patronize them.

One step at a time. People who live with these barriers are capable of many things; however, it is important to provide instruction one at a time and not to overload them.

Response time. In an interview or presentation, you should allow extra time for replies or decisions. This is a common accommodation to overlook, but it is important for you and for them to appreciate this consideration. Additionally, avoid the temptation to interrupt or finish their thoughts for them because of the extra time they may need. Always be patient and encouraging; building trust and their ability to feel comfortable around you will make a difference.

When a caregiver is present. Always direct your questions and attention to both the person living with the disability and their caregiver.

Physical Disabilities / Mobility Impairments (e.g., Cerebral Palsy)

Accessibility. Too few buildings are fully accessible despite the law having been in place for many years. People who live with physical barriers and mobility issues have the right to accessibility, and building owners and operators have a responsibility to ensure they comply.

Respect. When communicating, speak directly to the person, not over them, and not to any caregiver. Don’t assume a person accompanying them is a caregiver; it may be their partner, a friend, or anyone. Do not touch their wheelchairs, canes, or any other devices without permission. Try to be at their eye level for conversations and always ask before offering assistance.

Communication. As with other barriers, exercise patience and allow extra time for responses. Their barrier may affect their speech, but not their intelligence.

Assumptions. See the person, don’t just see the barrier.

Mental Health Challenges (e.g., anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD)

Affects more people than you think. According to the instructor in my Mental Health First Aid Course, approximately one in four people in my community will experience some form of mental health or addiction issues this year. Unfortunately, in many communities, getting the right help is difficult because of wait times and the lack of qualified professionals to meet the need.

What most people believe is wrong. There is a great deal of stigma and misinformation about mental health, and I would strongly recommend you take a Mental Health First Aid Course; the information is useful and timely. Never tell anyone to “Just cheer up” or “Get over it” because mental health solutions are complex and often the result of trauma.

Your reaction. When someone emotionally withdraws from you, it is important not to take that personally. Give people space when they are in distress. Use validation and empathy when speaking with someone experiencing these barriers. Be a calm, steady presence and avoid judging based on your experiences.

Be aware of the importance of the environment. Quiet spaces with few interruptions are helpful, and being aware of potential signs that the person is becoming overwhelmed is important.

Addiction / Substance Use Recovery

Language. Use terms such as “person in recovery” or “living with substance use” and avoid judgment terms like “addict” or “being clean.”  Similar to mental health issues, what you likely know about addiction is wrong. The roots of addiction often lie in trauma, and there are no simple solutions.

Respect. A person living with substance use doesn’t need assumptions, doesn’t need assumptions about what is criminal and what is a health issue; they need your support and understanding of their journey and what they feel comfortable sharing. This includes not sharing unsolicited advice. Help build autonomy and dignity and consciously avoid triggering environments whenever possible.

Newcomers / Refugees / Non-Native Speakers

Systematic racism is real. Racism is so pervasive in Canada that many people become automatically defensive when the subject is raised. We have to recognize that fact, recognize the intersectionality of it, and challenge ourselves, our families, our friends, and our employers when it appears.

Language. When communicating, speak clearly, avoid slang, and check for understanding with respect and dignity. Be patient with accents, and the person may still not be comfortable with our language.

Understand that their culture and norms may be different than yours. Actively learning and respecting as well as being empathetic to different cultural norms for things we accept, such as eye contact, shaking hands, gestures, personal space, etc., are very important.

Avoid assumptions and stereotypes. As with so many of these points, what we think we know is likely wrong and may be based on stigma, fear, and misconceptions.

People Facing Multiple or General Barriers

Combinations are a reality. Many people who experience barriers can have more than one barrier that they experience, which can complicate their social cues. Awareness and appreciation are the keys to interaction with other people.

Respect autonomy: Regardless of whether someone lives with one barrier or multiple barriers, don’t assume you know their needs; always ask. People who live with barriers want their autonomy; they have goals, dreams, and abilities.

Language. Speak to people who live with barriers as adults, regardless of the barriers they experience. Always use inclusive, person-first language; for example, someone who lives with cerebral palsy should never be referred to as a CP person, or someone who experiences cerebral palsy should not be referred to as someone who suffers from cerebral palsy..

Be patient and encourage inclusion. Rushing is one of the most common social missteps; patience is vital for effective interaction. Offer different ways for people to participate, while some people experiencing barriers may not feel comfortable in an in-person group meeting, a Zoom meeting where they can participate via the written “chat” feature may be their preferred way to communicate. Respect privacy by not asking personal or medical questions you would not ask anyone else.

Apologize and adjust. As you read these words, if you realize you have made mistakes in the past or you take a misstep now, a simple apology and acknowledgment will make a big difference.

Beware of “inspirational framing.” People who live with barriers want to be treated like people who don’t live with barriers and try to avoid praising them for “being inspiring” when they are trying to live as they choose.

As a career advisor who works with many people who live with or experience barriers, the social cues material I have read or spoken about with people deals with the need for people who live with barriers to accommodate everyone else. It is my hope that in reading this, you will realize that everyone has a responsibility to recognize social cues and adjust; accordingly, by doing so, we can see people for who they are, not what they experience.

Good luck and thank you,

Paul

Acknowledgement:  I would like to thank the people I work with and for, all of the different agencies who interact with me on a daily basis, and the vast array of resources that are available on diversity, equity, and inclusiveness, for their contribution for this post. I would also like to acknowledge the usefulness of ChatGPT as a writer for information and most importantly to correct my spelling and grammar.