The best choice is the right one; the next best is the wrong one.

Each day, you make dozens of decisions. Some are minor and instantly forgettable. Some major and life-altering. Some people make them quickly and effortlessly. Some worry and agonize over them; most are afraid of choosing the wrong thing. If you are or can often be afraid, then this post is for you.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Even those who appear to make all the right choices sometimes make mistakes. Anyone who says otherwise is lying or being overly optimistic, because we all make mistakes and no one is perfect.

I believe your life is full of key days, where the choices you make will fundamentally change your life. This can be incredibly intimidating; however, ironically, every day is a key day, but you only notice the ones where you have to make a big conscious decision.

Every day, you come within seconds of car accidents and never realize it. Crossing the road can be dangerous, texting while walking, stopping unexpectedly; all have consequences, and the list goes on and on. Key days, however, are days when your decisions will affect the rest of your life and can include making a decision on where to go to university, taking or not taking a new job, deciding to get married or divorced, or deciding on having children.

Key day decisions are ones that, once made and acted on, there is no going back; some doors are now open, and others close, never to be an option again.

What if you make the wrong choice?

Know that everyone has regrets about decisions, and they often wish they could go back and make different choices; that reaction is a very human characteristic. I suggest, though, not spending too much time on what has already happened, because, until someone invents a time machine, you cannot go back. Instead, deal with the present and prepare for the future, because there is no benefit to dwelling on what you can’t go back to.

Ultimately, the path to success and living is to do the best you can, in the time that you have, and with the resources available. The best way to avoid regret is to make your decisions well and to have a process that you follow when you can.

One of my mentors taught me this process.

• When faced with a choice, determine what the facts are.
• What are the alternatives?
• Then make the best decision you can in the time you have.

Additionally, try to avoid “shooting from the hip,” or “Making decisions solely based on your gut.” Remember, it’s “ready, aim, shoot.” Too often, people forget about the aim part. In whatever time you have, whether it’s 3 seconds or 3 days, examine all of the facts that you can access. Look at the alternatives, try to see beyond what might seem like the only alternatives, and examine the problem from as many perspectives as you can. Then make the best decision among those alternatives. There really is not any more to it than that.

There is a second step to following this mindset process. First, make the best decisions you can, and the more decisions you make, the better you will get at making decisions, particularly if, after each situation, you ask yourself:

• What did I do right?
• What did I do wrong?
• What would I do differently next time?

Allow yourself to be human.

Not every decision is going to be the right one. Take the time afterward, though, to look at your thought processes and figure out the elements that turned out to be the correct ones. Then, examine the parts that did not work out the way you had planned. Depending on the size of the decision, writing down these factors will help for the next time.

Try to avoid reliving past mistakes. “Remember the lesson to apply the next time but try to leave the mistake in the past.”

Some people think that not making a decision avoids the headaches and the trauma of making the wrong choice. Unfortunately, not making a decision yourself does not mean that a decision is not made; it still is made, but you just abdicate making it, and then you have to live with the consequences. I have seen people avoid making a decision because they do not want to make the wrong one and then suffer when the decision was made for them that was worse, leaving them regretting and thinking “If only I had done…”

A good exercise to help you is to help other people. Share your experiences, good and bad. A smart person learns from their mistakes, but a wiser person learns from the mistakes of others. As a leader, listening and sharing experiences will help make you seem less intimidating to people if they realize that you make mistakes as well. A person, leader, or mentor with humility will have a greater impact on those people around them than one who is arrogant and always seems perfect.

Often, it is easy to become paralysed when seemingly presented with too many choices. People often worry: “What if I make a mistake, I won’t be able to go back?” … That is true, but it is part of what makes us human. We are all exposed to so many choices, particularly the younger we are and the less experienced we are in making choices. Getting older does not automatically make you better at making decisions; making decisions and learning from them all make you better. Know that learning how to make choices is one of the most fundamental abilities you will need in your lifetime. Being engaged in the decisions that shape your life is so much better than simply allowing life to happen to you.

The best choice is the right choice; the second-best choice is the wrong choice. The more decisions you make, the better you become. Treat every experience as a learning opportunity, and especially the wrong choices, as great learning experiences.

In addition, keep in mind that the time will never be perfect when you have to choose. Sometimes you just have to take a chance. For many people, there is a natural inclination to say that “I’m not ready” or the time just isn’t right,” and these are fair statements. However, if you look at the facts and alternatives and think through the decision. If time doesn’t require a decision at this moment, sometimes there is no harm in waiting. However, if time is a factor, then make the best decision you can. You will find that in most things, you will never have all of the information, or the timing will never be perfect; that is when you have to learn to trust yourself and your ability to analyze situations and do your best.

Consider how life can change over these common decision choices,

• In high school, I asked a person on a date I really liked on a date after months of putting it off. Many people, including me, avoid this situation, fearing rejection; when they said yes, I could have kicked myself for how much time I wasted fearing the reaction. Even if they had said “no,” at least then I would have known.
• In high school, I was afraid of taking a chance playing on teams or taking a role in a play because I was afraid I would be rejected. I only punished myself because few people are good at anything the first time they try something. Know I would put myself out there and give myself a chance to get better.
• In high school, I had to make a presentation and force myself to do it despite being deathly afraid of public speaking. My advice: go first, no one is paying attention to the person going first because they are all worried about having to go next, and you will get graded more easily.
• Sometimes saying “No” can be as difficult as saying “Yes. “Imagine how saying “Yes or No” can affect a life when the decision is to get into a car driven by someone high or who has been drinking or saying no to friends who want you to try shoplifting.
• At work, trying to decide whether to have that difficult conversation about asking for a raise or promotion.
• At work, deciding that you aren’t happy with your current position and wanted to decide to look for another job.
• Making a decision to leave an unhappy relationship.
• Anything that involves leaving a comfort zone is a difficult but necessary decision.

Each one of these types of decisions happens all the time; some are easy, some are difficult. However, regardless of whether you are ultimately right or wrong, you owe it to yourself to try.

We are all a product of our decisions and choices. Just like we are all the products of our heredity and our environments. We are presented with choices every day; each one will affect our lives. Know that you will make mistakes, and that is okay. Learn from the good choices you make and learn from the bad choices. Making choices and decisions means that you are an active participant in your life, not a passive observer to the ups and downs that happen in your life.

I believe the best thing is to make the best choice, the second best is to make the wrong choice, and the worst is to make no decision.

Good luck,

Paul